Friday, September 29, 2006


Ok, so today I got my very first rejection letter after restarting my anemic freelance career. I am happy that I got a response. I just wish it had come at 5 o'clock instead of 10 a.m. There's a lesson not to check e-mail until the end of the day...

And then, AND THEN I opened the latest Brain, Child to see that all these other women are writing about all the stuff I care about, and doing it fabulously well. My issues are all over this issue! Alcoholism, motherhood politics of working/not working, saying goodbye to sex, drugs and rock-and-roll. Nothing about depression, at least. Maternal depression beyond the scope of PPD seems not to be a hot topic. Not now. Not until I start flooding parenting and women's mags with submissions...

Oh, I am such a foolhardy human. I am one of approximately eight billion mother-writers out there with a lot of half-baked ideas and notions and a wimpy C.V. I really feel like lying down on the floor and having a good cry, but the meds make it hard for me to get to that crest of emotion. So I sit here with a pit in my belly and try to breathe.

And let's take a moment to talk about all the better blogs out there. Dooce, for example, is totally stellar. Not only is Heather Armstrong hilarious, irreverent, and a smart-ass, but she, too, is a mom on meds. She even had to be hospitalized due to severe PPD.

See, all the cool people are not just smarter, but crazier than I am.

I do hate this feeling if being an almost-funny, almost-smart, almost-talented writer. I started my life in a deficit and there I have remained. Wow, I haven't had such a crash of self-worth in a long time! So, so, so, how to survive it?

Get another submission out there.


Make chocolate chip cookies.


Anonymous said...

I think Dooce is great but I have to say I love what you write!!! It is Freeing...Maybe you have not been hospitalized...yet...JUST KIDDING!! But most of us don't go to that extreme anyway. Reading what is going on in your head has helped me pinpoint what I am feeling quite often! I was so excited to read your posts today, no pressure but it's a huge highlight for me! You are so good at what you do! I want to tell my friends about your blog but I don't want them to know how low I was feeling, some of them know but some of them who I think woudl get a lot out of it don't and they are not people I want knowing....does that make sense? Can we go back and turn those anonymous???

susie said...

let me work on that. I really want lots of people to read my blog! The other thing I could do is hide the comments, but I think those are great, too, so we can all talk to each other.

You are my most devoted reader and I love you for that!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on getting a submission out there!! :) Way to go--can't wait to hear more about your work. If you ever need someone to read your writing, count me in!