Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Hello, I Love You

You know how when you parent, you don't see the results for years sometimes? Or how, after you spend all that time being pregnant and then giving birth, the child doesn't even give you a smile for several months? You know how great it feels when they finally do?

Every time I read a comment from a reader, it makes my day. It makes me feel like I'm not alone, that you're not alone, that someone is reading my writing, that someone else might be thinking about some of the things contained herein. I mean, I know tons of people are wrestling with the very same questions. We just tend not to talk about it at cocktail parties. (That is, if we even get to go to cocktail parties anymore.)

So go ahead. Make my day.


Anonymous said...

wow! you are on a roll girlfriend!! I hope I didn't pressure you into writing somehting for me every day! I must say I do enjoy it though!!

susie said...

Pressure is the only thing that gets me off my butt. Oh, yeah, and an audience. :)

Anonymous said...

Ugh did you get a chance to read dooce today? SO sad, I still don't know how in her depression she can type an upload is amazing...I hope she's ok!

Jane said...

Susie, I wrote a 3-paragraph response to your Playground post, but it got dumped somehow when I was trying to post it. So I got frustrated and figured I'd just talk to you in person about it. But know that it was written! Three paragraphs on the procreation instinct and cyclic moods and other great stuff!

Anonymous said...

WHaaaah Jane...I would love to know your thoughts on the playground you cagy veteran!

Anonymous said...

I think I spelled Cagey wrong?

Anonymous said...

I love reading your blog! Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts here and interacting in your comments. I feel honored. I check in often and thoroughly enjoy your thought provoking posts. You are an inspiration, my friend!

Anonymous said...

I just started reading your blog and enjoy that I can relate, as can most mothers of small children.

I have a wonderful husband who is a great father, but he just can't understand what it's like to be a Mom...the good and the bad. How could he?

I feel like there's a sister-hood of mother-hood and this is a link into that circle. I get the best support from my Mom friends and truly don't know what I'd do without them. Like when I called a friend to say I was physically holding my daughter down to get her to nap because I couldn't afford to have her wake up her brother. And I thought what am I doing? I can't force her to fall asleep, I've got to get a grip? My friend reassured me she's been to that edge and I didn't feel like such a horrible mother.

I did get a grip but it helped to know I'm not alone and my kids are OK, I didn't damage her irrevocably. I tend to wallow in self-doubt about my parenting; over-thinking everything, analyzing, reading books, etc. etc. Then I remember my Mom used to chase me around with a wooden spoon and I laugh about it now. Not that I want to repeat that, but it didn't damage me. I knew she loved me and that she was at her wits end and that's all it was. I get it now and as a kid my older siblings taught me to cry even though it didn't hurt so she'd feel badly and I wouldn't be in trouble anymore. It was our own little siblig bonding.

I have a wonderful friend who is a therapist and who works with foster kids who have less than ideal childhoods and parents. It's so great to have her in my corner saying I'm doing the right things right, that I'm only human and that the main message my kids are getting is one of love and boundaries, which is really all kids need. I am human, I slip up, but now I try to focus on learning from my experience and moving on. I have be in the present!

How's that for a first time reader and comment leaver?

susie said...

Fabulous! I do hope this site can be a link for moms-on-the-verge. Sharing tales like your nap incident is so powerful because we can all think of times when we've done similar things. The crazy part about being a depressed mom is not being able to weigh choices, make decisions, or care enough what happens later. You are clearly concerned.

I love your comment about focusing on love and boundaries.

Thanks for writing.