Sunday, July 01, 2007

The End?

Have you noticed that I rarely post anymore?

I can't help it. I come, I sit, I type; nothing gets posted. I do my yoga stuff and think about how to incorporate that into the blog. I avoid meditating and think how to make that amusing for the blog. I realize that after coming up from the depths of a major depression, I am more inclined to focus on things like creating a persona for this blog.

I don't want to create a persona. I am so done with creating a persona. Those damn personae and ideas about who I am and viewing myself through the eyes of other people were part of the problem to begin with. I set out to let go of a lot of my conceptions about myself. While traveling down that immensely liberating path, I find myself back at some old habits of mind.

This is actually a sign of better health. If there were a hierarchy of neuroses like Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, worrying about maintaining a personality is up there past things like being afraid to leave the house. But another sign of health is that my answer now to the question, "Who am I?" is a benevolent, slightly exasperated, "Oh, Honey. Are we here again?"And after chasing my tail for awhile, I start walking again.

I think it would be easier for me to keep walking if I didn't have the self-referential blog reflex happening so often.

Plus. The original idea was to explore all of this stuff in the context of parenting and depression. I can say with certainty that I am not depressed. Also, that I have no interest in writing a parenting blog. I just feel done.

Readers, thank you for reading and commenting. Really. Thank you.

In gratitude,

Susie

2 comments:

Rose said...

Should we go out and celebrate?? Congratulations! Your Blog has been a huge inspiration to me and quite a few friends of mine who don't post but I know they read it. I love coming here and reading about life from your perspective and I will miss it but if that means that you are on the up and up and have stopped writing for the sole purpose of entertaining me then more power to you! I am truly happy for you and your family! I know it has been a long journey for you and it has been painful and enlightning for the rest of us, thank you for being so open and honest, I know it has helped me in so many ways. I will be in touch! ENJOY YOUR SUMMER!

Jane said...

I hope I see you around the hood, then, and maybe get to read your writing in another place.