Friday, January 18, 2008

Which of My Darlings Shall I Murder Today?

I've neglected to tell you that I'm operating on half-doses of medication these days. My life is stuffed to capacity and sometimes I even have to schedule pee breaks, so it seemed like a choice time to introduce a new health regimen and take away one of the pillars of sanity in my life.

It's not like I'm doing anything else right now.

I'm not, like, training to be a yoga teacher. Or raising two little kids. Or writing. Or maintaining friendships and family relationships, or a marriage. Or performing most of the household duties, planning, driving, phoning, and organizing for my wittle nuclear family. (I don't know who is going to start sweeping the porches, taking the dog to the park every day or cleaning the bugs out of the light fixtures, but they better do it soon, 'cause...DAMN.) Not to mention the bleeding grand jury I'm still on. And I'm learning Italian.

I'm also trying to eat better and, dare I say it, work out. (I don't want to go into detail, but I'll just say that I am not, and have never been, a gym girl, and I really hope that my lame fumblings on the treadmill at the Y are amusing to someone.)The main purpose of my "get healthy" plan is to pave the way for going off meds altogether. I'ts about stabilizing blood sugar and increasing opportunities for natural seratonin production and absorption. But the thing is,


What I consider "this shit" will change from week to week, but I really don't have the capacity to entertain all of it all the time. I know that, yet wince at the thought of stopping anything I do. (Except maybe housework and planning. Sadly, my maid and secretary have banded together to start their own company, and they didn't invite me to stay on as a client. Oh wait, I never had a maid or secretary...)

So whom do I ignore today? My friends? Do I let those phone messages and e-mails gather dust for awhile? How about one of my children? Audrey clearly needs a lot of attnetion right now, but just because Jonah is so easy to ignore, doesn't mean he should be ignored. How about my husband? Oh, wait, he's already being ignored! Maybe it will have to be my family. I don't really want to talk to them anyway. My son's school? My daughter's school? I get a lot of notices about ways I can better participate in my child's learning experience.

And which of the other things in my life that I hold precious shall I ignore or let go of? My yoga? My yoga training, now that I've finally figured out my next possible voaction in life? My writing? Books?

What will it be?


Anonymous said...

Hi Susie! :) Reading this brings a familiar ache to my stomach. Eek. I hate the feeling that I am doing a lousy job at everything. My naturopath recommended eating lots of turkey (contains seratonin) when I try to go off my meds. She mentioned that it comes in a supplement if I don't want to eat so much of it! Also, lots and lots of omega 3s. I am so impressed that you are getting to the Y! And doing all that you are doing. You are amazing, my friend!xxoo Vicki

Anonymous said...

Once again you are evesdropping on my thoughts!!!! I swear a perfect diet and a great workout routine would make me a very happy person and yet the only time my heart rate has gone up today was yelling at my kids for fighting (it happens several times a day...circut training) I had an iced mocha and half a box of jujubees...I frickin love those things! I feel like if I could take care of me on a regular basis everything else would fall into place but would it???? Fuck no! Hey let's get audrey and Lily together and watch them scream and yell at eachother...
gotta go heartrate is going up again....

Anonymous said...

No Wonder I crave Turkey Sandwiches all the time! I have been really trying to incorporate omega 3's too. I have been adding flaxseed meal to everything, I even put it in my kids food too. I think it might be helping a little. I still feel like I suck at everything but it doesn't get me down as much!