Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Day Six on Reduced Meds

I'm all fire and love for humanity in the morning. By late afternoon, I want to tear off my own skin.

The experts agree one should give the brain two weeks to adjust to any changes in these kinds of medications. So I must wait before drawing any conclusions. And then, if I'm still a loon, I should get rolfed or acupunctured or massaged on a regular basis. I'll do anything.

I guess if the rolfing and Chinese medicine don't help, I'll have to experiment with some drug cocktails. Hate to think I' might have to be on this stuff forever.

The very worst thing about not being emotionally stable is how I relate to my kids. I truly lose interest in them. That causes them to run at me full-force with body slams and frog leaps, and otherwise make sure my attention is on them. They sense when I am slipping away from them. Their desperation sends me further underground.

Maybe I'm just not the maternal type.

5 comments:

rose said...

Hey susie,

Ugh, what a rough feeling. Sometimes I wonder how we really are supposed to feel everyday as moms, especially the stay at home type. Are we supposed to feel overwheming love and joy with our kids everyday? Are we not supposed to get to the point where we are completely drained and out of sympathy, compassion or hugs? I have days when I feel exactly what you are describing. Don't get me wrong, I love them more than anything and would give my life for them in a heartbeat. But there are days when I am just not feeling it up to my eyeballs. I feel guilty and like there is something really wrong, but I have to think a little bit of it has to be normal. right??? Hang in there, I am pulling for you!

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Susie. You are not alone. I have that feeling sometimes, though more often I have the feeling that I am not the marrying type. I find it so challenging to maintain intimacy with my husband in the midst of baby sleep deprivation and preschooler power struggles/assertions of independence/moments of insanity/testosterone surges. Sometimes all I want to do at the end of the day is serve them dinner and then walk out the door... -V

susie said...

Hmm, V, that sounds like an excellent idea! I actually do that every Sunday, thanks to a 6:30 pm yoga class. Recommended!

Anonymous said...

Will commense looking for somewhere I have to be at around 6:00. Love that idea! Also, looking forward to the mom and wife I will be when I retain a nanny for 20 hours/week. Wow. -V

susie said...

Childcare is the most underrated antidote to almost anything that ails a mom. Go forth and get ye some.